Go With the Flo

Folarin Okulaja: All right everyone, third time's the charm. This is you know, we tried three times to start this episode and we're finally finally getting it going. But season two, Episode Three go with the Flo special guest in the building. And I do say that every time and I mean it every single time. But I have my friend Artemis here. Welcome to the show Artemis.

Artemis Veizi: Hello. I'm Artemis

F: Could you just tell people what you were saying about how you hate the sound of your voice?

A: I don't know when you hear it in your own head. It's like a different voice and I'm used to that voice and now the headphones are obscuring that noise for me. So it's just what's coming from the mic.

F: Yeah, exactly. And even for me, when I started this last year, I would listen back to it and say how much I hated my voice and then people reached out like, Oh my god, you have such a good podcast voice. So you can podcast and you also have a great podcast voice. Alright, but Artemis we have been friends since freshman year. Do you remember how we met tell the people that

A: We met in physics? it was one with Susan Staggs

F: professor stags you know formally.

A: But it's been a little precept doing our little problems.

F:I would not be understanding anything. It was always like what? Like three? It wasn't even like it was precepts I feel like we met more than once a week every

A: three lectures and like two preceptors Yeah

F: met way too long, way too many times. And it felt like I speak way too much on this podcast about how much I dislike physics, but man, I dislike physics. And it's funny that that comes up because for my Chem 301 class, we've had our first few lectures, and the professor is like, Oh, don't worry if these first few lectures have been too biology focused, because the next few weeks are all going to be physics focused. And I'm just like

A: No worries, man. It's okay. Yeah, yeah. Because that biology I mean, it was even worse.

F: Yeah. So the way that I usually start this or Well, yeah, every single episode, I want people to say where they're from, and just the different activities that they're involved in on campus. So could you just start us off with that?

A: Sure. Okay, so I'm Artemis I'm from North Northern Virginia he forgot what your phone is the thing is there's a wide audience listening so

F: this is a global podcast Yeah, well I probably this this global it's a global audience I could go on and show you the 20 different countries that people listen

A: Absolutely. Well okay for all you internationals, I'm from DC. For everyone who is from Northern Virginia. I'm from Fairfax County. Yeah. And on campus I row on women's lightweight rowing and I would normally say that I'm a writing center fellow but I actually quit my job this

F: job she quit her job she's not unemployed we hate to see it. Yeah, but I think your future is still definitely bright. But so initially you were in the great class of 2022 I was and then you took a gap year so you're now in the class of 2023. So I do want to talk about that a little bit. So could you just tell me a little bit about what went into your decision to take a gap year?

A: Um, okay, I mean, I feel like everybody has kind of the same set of reasons it was definitely COVID like spring the march 2020 after we got sent home and like the rest of that spring semester was difficult at best like I did not enjoy it and I think a big reason that some people didn't decide to take a gap year is because they didn't have like the mobility of their friend group also taking a gap year but for me like my closest friends were also set on taking a gap year so that made it a lot easier for me to decide like oh okay if I joined a new class like I'll still have some familiar faces

F: And when you say your friend group, how many people, what number how many other people took a gap year with you? I mean, that's fair if it's your closest friends that doesn't make a lot of sense I was just actually very curious Yeah, for like 16 of us my whole team did it then I guess that's what it

A: says it turns out that me and my two friends took a gap year starting in the fall semester so like we were gone fall spring and then came back this year yeah. The rest of the people on my team in my class took a gap year starting the spring so they'll be back in a couple months a

F: A lot of spring spring gap years yeah. And so with your gap year, what did you do with it? anything exciting, and there's nothing wrong if there's no way you're looking at me like Yeah,

A: Well, okay, so I have to like backdate the start of my gap year to summer 2020. So I was doing an internship. And my manager was like super awesome and very flexible. And so when Princeton said that they were going to be online in the fall, and I thought Hey, I want to take a gap year, he was like, let me know if you get to take a gap year because we can just extend your internship. So I ended up doing that from May 2020 to may 2021. I was in California for the summer because at the time that I like got my housing for my internship, we didn't know that it was going to be remote yet. And then I went back home in September, and live with my parents, which was actually awesome. I didn't have to pay rent and like, now that I'm not angsty, and like a teenager, my relationship with my parents is really good. Like, they're just great people. And it was nice to spend time with them. So and that's what I did until May 2020. And then I traveled,

F: Okay, and we'll get into the traveling a little bit. But I also do think it's important to note that, everyone, because even one of my hesitations about not taking a gap year was, well, first of all, I floated the idea by my parents, and they shut it down so quickly, but I was like, Alright, I guess we're doing this, although I will say if things were not, if things were like if we still had a social contract, and all the nonsense we had last semester, I probably would have, like, just pushed for the copyright. Like at that point, I was like, I'm not gonna end up my senior, like my college career like this the same way the class of 2021 had to, because boy, they have a bad yeah, we all thought initially that the class of 2020 had it the worst, but 2021 and if any of your Listen, I'm so very sorry. That is That was not the way to do it, with the social contract and everything. But I was gonna say that, even just like you were saying, being able to be at home, relax, not having to worry about online schooling and be stressed about all that, that is still a very productive way to spend your gap year and to just ensure that you're not doing school in a manner that would just be inducing way too much stress for you. Yeah, so I think a lot of people were like, even me included, like, Oh, I need to find something great to do in my gap year. But honestly, if you're just able to relax for a year, recoup, and come back to hit school hard, then I think that still sounds like a very productive use of time.

A: Yeah. Well, yeah. And I was definitely lucky to be able to take a gap year cuz I mean, obviously my parents could shoulder that, like, financially, whatever. I am not on a time sensitive path right now. Like, whatever. So, yeah, that was really nice. And I have a solid relationship with my parents now, which is really, really nice.

F: And so it sounds like you've already answered this, but no regrets about taking the gap year?

A: No, not one

F: good answer. Because even I don't know, I would say, and I've talked about this a little bit. I think with the first episode, I saw how normal things have been these last two weeks and seeing how much we're gonna have this year. It makes me really sad that I only have one more year of this and I kind of wish I could do it again after this. Yeah. And so I don't know. I don't think there's any point in harboring the past and like regretting stuff that can change and I think it's just about you know, focus on this next year. Yeah, come back, live your best life, all that type of stuff

A: To be fair, though, it's not just like you are not just Princeton's campus that missed out in that way. I think like, once the class of 2022 goes out into the real world, not on a college campus anymore, you're going to find a lot of fellow new grads that want to just have fun and like to have part of the college experience even while they're at work. And to be honest, like the big thing I learned in my gap year is that working is not that hard, like a job is hard. But you do it for 8 to 10 hours a day at most like

F: well, when you listen to me and Andrew’s episode you hear sometimes people do a little more

A: Some people do some crazy stuff, but I'm talking about like if you want a job that makes you only work eight hours a day yeah work eight hours a day and they exist you can do anything you want. Yeah. But you can also work 14 hours a day

F: Exactly. Shout out to all investment bankers. Keep doing your thing or don't we don't you really don't need to see every episode just shots at IBM. Okay, and so now transitioning back to being on campus. I remember when you were heading to your first class of the semester you said something along the lines of either mentor class in a year and a half I'm so nervous. So how has it been for you transitioning back to being a student after taking a gap year?

A: Yeah, well so during my gap year actually, I started to get like an academic I don't know like I just needed to do some work so I went to Coursera and started taking class okay. Like I was doing all these like note taking things like I was just so excited about it. And I was like can't wait to go back to school. And then I got here and I was panicking because like Coursera is not the same. Like I was so sure I didn't know how to participate in precepts, like I didn't know how to pay attention in lecture, whatever. It was very like a bicycle that, like me, was easy to do. things like I thought I'd forgotten how to be a student, but I didn't. And I think actually like, because I'm really like the exact opposite end of the spectrum from burned out. After a year off, I can actually sit through an entire hour and a half lecture and like to pay attention and like to take notes on all of it and everything which never used to happen.

F: See, that is very interesting, because I am the opposite. I am still not, I'm getting better. This is not what we've just finished our third week of classes. I'm still at the point where in a 15 minute lecture, like 40 minutes strong, I could pay attention. And in the last 10 minutes I was trying to trail off. And I think that's a symptom of zoom. Because even on zoom, it was always lecturing on one side of the screen to it on the other. Yeah, there's I don't know if you watch soccer, but the Champions League is bad. And it was so easy to have the games up on the other side of your zoom screen, and then not pay attention to the lecture on the other side of the screen. You know, I would never do that. I always Yeah, yeah. But you're talking about a friend. Yeah, exactly what champions they started this week, and I was in a seminar. And I was like, I can sneak watching a game when there's only 20 people in here. Yeah. And so my study habits, and my electro habits got really bad over zoom. And so now that we're back in person, it's been hard for me to get back to my normal patterns and be a good student, or I would like to think of a good student that I was pre pandemic. So

A: Yeah, yeah, I think also, being away from campus just made me really grateful for things like college and learning and all of those things, cuz I mean, unless I go to grad school, it's just never gonna happen again. And I don't know if I'm like drifting in class, I'm like, you know what, you can make it through another, like, 15 minutes right now, you can just sit here and like, you don't even have to take notes. Just think about what they're saying. Don't like, think about what you're gonna do after this are wearing, eating for lunch, stuff like that. So

F: I don't know if you ever used to do this. But all the way, way back since like middle school, I would always break it wasn't like an hour class, I would break it up into like, quarters and have time. I'm like, Oh, 30 minutes at halftime, let's go one more half to go. And I find myself doing that exact same thing. Just got to their classes. So it's been kind of difficult. But so that is the academic side of things socially, how has that transition been for you?

A: very exhausting. So there's two parts to this. Actually, I think, even in a very normal year, I would be a little tired by now. Because we've been going hard as a campus like everybody is talking all the time hanging out whatever going out. But IV specifically, like when you go in for a meal, it's not like the dining hall, you can't just walk in and be like, I'm going to grab my thing, eat it really quickly and get out. You sit down, and you're talking to people and like, you can't just antisocial your way out of a conversation. So every single meal of every single day I'm having conversation after conversation is like at least 30 minutes of talking. I'm trying to eat like, no, no hate to the IV club. It makes me really happy. I'm getting all of my socialization right now and it's really good. I love meeting new people. And like everybody's so excited to meet each other too. So it makes it a very nice environment. But I just want one meal man.

F: No, you're 1,000%. Right. And that is something that I do want to talk about a little bit. Because I am very similar to you. Look, look forward so much to coming back, talking to everyone, having everyone back. And now three weeks in, I'm like, boy am I talked out. And not even just we'll get to the meals and IV specifically. But even just like on the day to day basis, we forgot what it was like to walk around and bump into people along the way and have those five minute conversations, walk into friends bump into someone have that 10 minute conversation, just anywhere you go, you go to sports game, you see your friend, or you sit by them, you're just talking, talking, talking, when you're on zoom, and it's just click a button and another class and you just buy stuff in your room. And you don't have to talk to anyone, you forget how easy it is to lose those skills of socializing and realizing how much effort it does take to put yourself out there. But when it comes to the meal specifically, and I bet this isn't even probably a little bit more unique to the at clubs, but I feel like even in the dining halls, actually not probably more specific to the eating clubs. You're exactly right. Cuz freshmen sophomore year, there most of the times for lunch, especially the way my schedule worked. I would always eat by myself. Yeah. And I didn't mind it at all, because I would recoup my 30 minutes to myself, watch a YouTube video, watch a TV show, do whatever and just be like, Okay, I'm good. Yeah, now it's like, oh, you get into whatever the eating club. And there's always people to talk to. Yeah, always your friends there. And like you said, Not that there's a pressure to talk all the time. But there's a little bit of a pressure to not be antisocial. Yeah, to just interact with everyone as much as possible. And that gets training.

A: Yeah, I don't even know if it's pressure. It's just like, it's hard to not talk when everyone around you is trying to engage not just with you, but like in a general table conversation, whatever. Yeah, I thought it was funny because during bicker like You know the why IV question whenever somebody said seating policy and I sat there and I was like, if only we didn't have a seating policy right now I just need like one meal a week. No seating policy. Everybody sits anywhere they want in a club, away from

F: anywhere go to the library by yourself. Yeah, but yeah, the to-go boxes will become very necessary.

A: Yeah, well, actually, I've had a couple to go box meals because of things like night precepts and whatever. And it just makes me sad. Like, that's the thing I say, I just want one meal. But like I really don't.

F: There is no balance. And that's an so even back to the just the general transition back to campus life for all of us who those of us who did zoom University, and those of us like you who did gap years, there is still that same, there's there's a there's a curve that we all need to kind of adjust to to get back on the regular path. And we all are so busy. We all have all these different extracurriculars. And even just like yesterday, I found myself from, like 830 to five, well, basically all day, just jumping around bass round doing one thing, all over campus, walking all over the place. And it got to the point where I was like, for a split second. I was like, I kind of assume I kind of miss just sitting here and just clicking in and out of madness. And I'd have to like not having to hustle all over campus and kind of getting burnt out like that. And it's only been three weeks, but I'm tired.

A: Yeah. Well, I had a really crazy past two days. Because I had a presentation assigned to me on Tuesday for Thursday.

F: Name names, what teacher. I'm kidding.

A: She's actually seen and I did volunteer, I just didn't realize what I was signing up for. Because it's also a French class. Not to say I didn't understand her, but like, it was. Anyways, I'll not get into it. But because of that, and like a paper that I have coming up and a problem with a group project, I was really scared. I had this moment of panic where I was like, Oh, I thought I was ready to come back to school like, like, like we were talking about at the beginning of the year. And then I was like, but this is what my life used to be all the time. And like I do not have the time right now. Like I can't handle everything that's happening. And I was panicking. And then I had to solve it by waking up at like 632 days in a row to get up and just cried and like, there was no way out of it. But it worked out and like I've made it through I did my presentation.

F: There you go

A: But also it's interesting because that story is not unique to just us to every most of the people that I've talked to over the last few days are all feeling the exact same way finally ramped up I was like guys, we realize this was just our first full week of classes and it's already smacking us in the face so it's gonna be a long semester we will get through it together but this is this is what we asked for. This is what life used to be like. I think we all just forgot how hard it is to be a student and have extracurriculars and be social and keep yourself mentally and physically happy and in shape. So please, it will be a struggle.

F: Um so also just one little quick Have you started going back to Firestone yet?

A:I went this weekend for four hours and I'm not going back like because for the rest of the semester the vibes are so bad like I think part of it is probably that nobody in Firestone this weekend past weekend was actually busy enough to warrant being in Firestone so everyone was just like like yeah grind time whatever and it was it was bad like nobody was enjoying themselves I think like you could look around and just see the before was dead

F: B is the best floor

A: I really like that room up at the top because when the sun is setting it gets so beautiful and then you know then you have to go and go to dinner and whatever and it just feels like a nice conclusion but yeah, only the elites get that room you have to be there to start the day.

F: friend group I let your description of people who are on Firestone this past weekend It was perfect because like you said there wasn't actually enough work that no one needed to be there. But we felt like we needed to be productive so we went there because I went for the first time last week and also was there for like three hours, maybe got like 25 minutes worth of work. 25 minutes worth of work done. Yeah, that makes sense. Right? Yeah. Okay, good English. But I have started it to the point where this past week I finally started going more and being more productive. And I want to say it feels good to be back at it but

A: Well my thing with Firestone as well as like, I think I've become more of a social studies or in college because if I'm like on my phone and Firestone nobody's gonna say a thing. Like I can say on my phone actually for the entire time I'm in Firestone and it doesn't matter because everyone else is just doing their own thing. If I'm in like, I'm gonna say first, but I would never study in Frist ever again. If I'm impressed, I'm talking to people and then it's like, okay, I've just had like 10 minutes of conversation time to go back to my work and then I have to focus for a bit because like, it just Something about it being a social setting makes me feel like there's this responsibility to do what I set out to do instead of just like walk around late meal and talk, I don't know.

F: So interesting. I definitely. So you think you study better in groups?

A: Yeah, well, yeah, pretty much. I think if I like, can stop when I get tired to have a quick conversation, or just like, express my exhaustion and have that feeling be shared. Like it just it's nice. I think.

F: So I think I, I realized that when I ask people to go to Firestone with me, or go, I know where to study with me. I'm really trying to do work, and I'm actually trying to hang out and whatever I go by myself, that's when I'm like, Okay, I know, I'm actually gonna get stuff done. Yeah. So it's interesting that everyone has their own nice little opposite situation.

A: Yeah, well, for me, I was like, I was in IV at like, 7am 730 for the past two days, and I would work in the Great Hall by myself. And I was actually the only one there and I was super productive, but only because I knew like, two hours later, I would go to breakfast, and a bunch of people would be there. And I could talk to them. You know, I don't know, I don't know what it is. It's like, my brain has just a rewards pathway written for like, studying with friends

F: Rewards path? That sounds like some neuroscience. Yeah, yes. Yeah. I know about that stuff. Okay. And then kind of, you know, I guess it's like, wraps all this up. And then we talked about the demands of the school, the social life, all the activities. And so this kind of leads into this, you know, USA Today, ranking Princeton, the number one school in the country for the 11th year in a row? What are your thoughts on that?

A: Um, okay. I mean, my honest thoughts on it are the differences between the top 20 or 50 schools on that list? minute, like, really? Not? 50? Maybe like, Yeah, no, I think 20 is a solid? No, definitely not. 50. Yeah. Academically, you're gonna come out with the same knowledge at any of those 20 schools. What's different is like, Princeton has smaller class sizes, or whatever, gorgeous campus, what I think is an amazing social scene, like everything. So I definitely think it belongs in number one. But and

F: I definitely know my answer to this. But when you are deciding what school that you want to go to, did the number one record of Princeton play roll into? You pick it here?

A: Okay. It actually didn't. Yeah, I could. Okay, I'll talk about it, I guess. So I was deciding between Princeton knowing I was gonna do electrical engineering, and Berkeley EECS, which is a program in electrical engineering and computer science. And when you apply to Berkeley, like you apply straight to that program, so that's what I was deciding between basically. And that decision for me actually just boiled down to like, big school, not a liberal arts education, and for hard years, or small school, definitely a liberal arts education and for hard years. So yeah, that was my decision. And I just like I knew I wanted to get some humanities in because my high school was a stem High School. So I was starved for like reading. Like I didn't, I had lost my ability to actually sit down and read a chapter of a book in high school. And so Princeton was nice to balance that out.

F: Okay, because for me, and I think people never like admitting this person mean, the number one school in the country definitely played a role in me wanting to come here.

A: Well, the reason I said that is because Berkeley EECS is definitely number one for electrical engineers, like that's the place to be. Okay, so I decided against a number one to go to a different

F: a different, more, more broad number one, because I was deciding between here, and Duke, those were really the only two options that it was. And other than the fact that Duke's financial aid sucked, shout out to their financial aid office, you could have had me but you know, we're not giving you any type of money. I was like, I want to be where, you know, the best of the best, I put that in quotas, and where I would feel like, I am going to be motivated by every single person around me. And while I'll get all the best resources, and even just having that number one name attached to it, that's just like extra motivation to want to prove something and feel like you are somewhere where, you know, people want to be at And so yeah, being presuming the number one school definitely, definitely played a part of me wanting to come here

A: Yeah. It's interesting, because I definitely see both Duke and Princeton for you as like, social. Oh, social member of the community.

F: Oh, you know, we're not going to talk about Duke, this is a daily Prince podcast we will focus only only on Princeton.

A: Well, I mean, with it being the number one school when you came here, did you feel imposter syndrome? Like,

F: oh, let's talk about Yeah, I'm so glad that you brought that up. And this is actually I'm so glad you mentioned this for any freshmen and frostmourne. So freshmen and sophomores.If anyone is listening? Yes, yes, yes, yes.

A: And physics those of us upperclassmen, and still have imposter syndrome.

F: Yeah, it still exists. But I wouldn't say I still have it now, but it definitely still exists for some people but freshman year was not easy. It was a hard transition. I for the longest honestly probably for most of the year didn't feel like I belonged here. Physics did not help. So much. I never understood what was going on in my STEM classes freshman year, it always felt like I was so behind the curve and felt like everyone else knew so much more than me. And there was a certain point where I was like, Why? Why did I regretted coming here for a very long time freshman year. And so imposters express

A: That as well. Like you said that to me several times

F: I did. I don't even remember saying that. It was all just a blur. I was trying to block it out, compartmentalize that part of my experience. But yeah, it definitely was not an easy transition. And so I will urge any freshmen who although it's only week three, I bet you're already feeling it. You do belong here. It does take time, and it is a learning curve. But I promise you, you will adjust and you'll start to thrive in no time.

A: Yeah. It's also like I'd say like, Don't let the fact that it's the number one school be the reason you feel that imposter syndrome, if anything, feel that because like other people in your classes are doing better than you. And then like I would that too, because they're doing better in that one class. But if they were in another class with you, you'd be doing better than that one. And everybody just comes in with different strengths.

F: Exactly. And we all got here for a reason. Trust everybody's competence, and everybody's intelligence and everybody, all that fun stuff.

A: Well, that's the crazy thing, too, is like, the acceptance rate is so low, like, you know, they really thought about who they were letting in. On top of that, like they could have taken the next 5000 students, whatever. And like the people who didn't get in, basically. And it would be the exact same quality of student on campus. And like, yeah, you definitely belong if you're here is the point.

F: Yeah, and I forgot about that to the freshmen for the current freshmen. They had the lowest acceptance rate ever. So yeah, y'all did your thing. It was not easy. I probably would not have been accepted in this class. So very lucky that I came into the class at 22. And also forgot to mention that, you know, you're allowed to claim the class of 2022 after graduating, will you be doing so

A: I think I definitely will.

F: Good answer. That was the only thing I was looking for.

A: My question is, can I claim both? Because who knows how the next two years might go? Maybe? 2023? Is my new identity for real?

F: No, no, they don't have they don't have Folarin. They don't know. Yeah, the great class of 2020. Yeah,

A: we don't have the two two two

F: You know, the numbers are just such a cool one. Yeah. 2022, amazing, 2023

A: digits of 2023 sum to seven, which is a lucky number. So you know, what is literally all I do all day.

F: Okay, so kind of putting a pin on all the college talk. There's a different sort of conversation that I wanted to have with you. And that was actually the reason that this episode came about is we were setting an IV The other day, and I walked over to your table. And you know, I don't know what I walked into. But all of a sudden group therapy, what did you guys ask me again?

A: What's your relationship?

F: What's my relationship status? And I was like, Okay, what are we talking about here? And then I realized that I wanted to have a nice little conversation, delve into relationships a little bit. You're on one side of the spectrum. What side is that?

A: I am in a long distance relationship of three years in a few months with my boyfriend who went to high school with me We actually started dating after high school, which was a little bit stupid because we were about to go to different schools but yeah, that's our status

F: And my end of the spectrum is I am single as can be and have been since high school so actually first question, So why didn't you start dating this guy in high school?

A: Um, okay. I actually was in a different relationship for a lot of high school, serial dater, whatever you know, and, and, you know, that ended before my junior year, whatever. And then I spent my whole senior year just like, single and like focusing on getting into college and then making the most of my senior year with my friends, whatever. And then, my boyfriend's name is Kai. Yeah, whoo. Got up. So cough cough. I'll send it to him. Um, yeah, he and I were in a class together junior year, where we actually became really good friends. And then we were like, very close senior year. And then we went to prom together. And I was like, wait, like, we just had a really good time, whatever. And then like a month later, we started dating so because we hung out as soon as we graduated, I was literally hanging out with him every day, like, every single day, I would go over to his house also

F: when you say a month after prom, so this was like mid summer?

A: Yeah, midsummer.

F: Okay. Okay. And so now it's been three years, and it's obviously long distance. What would you say is probably the hardest part about doing a long distance?

A: honestly for us like it's not that hard which I have like a theory on long distance relationships

F: Let's hear the theory yeah

A: my theory is like is based in your love languages so I think like there are many combinations of people that just can't do a long distance relationship not because like they don't have the like strength or whatever but just because they won't get what they need from long distance but for me like one of my lowest love languages is physical touch like I don't need to like be physically with somebody to like I have a strong relationship with them and both of us communicate in very similar ways so like we don't need to text each other all the time or whatever but like the important information gets across really easily and yeah, like we don't set aside like an hour every week to FaceTime or whatever like it's very whenever we have time like

F: natural type of that is very interesting and I liked that you mentioned that because I think there's a lot honestly me included I ended my last relationship before coming to college because I partly because I didn't want to do long distance that I think that I could yeah and I feel like there's not a very positive there's many relationships that end either right before coming to college or right after they get to college because of because of the fear that they will either just like lose interest or they don't think they'll be able to maintain the strength of the relationship as much so that's interesting that you've been able to really figure out that because you are similar in a certain way that the relationship is still thriving three years strong

A: Well honestly the hardest part of the relationship was that like first few months that we were in college because nobody tells you how to navigate something like that and then I would see like all of my friends start to break up I was like fuck like this is where we're headed right now like I don't know but it just works out really nicely I think like for specifically us to like you could tweak something very small in each of our personalities and it would not work at all

F: So you taking a gap year did your relationship factor into that?

A: um, I tried not to let it factor in at all

F: Try not to, does that mean it did?

A: no okay, so actually I don't think it did so Chi for context actually went to Berkeley eex Yeah, and he graduated in three years so he is in the workforce right now. Well, he graduated this past May which is actually what I started traveling with. I went to California to watch him graduate online and yeah, so he's done. I knew going into college that he would be done in three years. I would be done in four because I was not going to do that accelerated program at Princeton whatever.

F: Oh, so he played He always was supposed to version three years yeah, okay, just based

A: on I mean, he could have taken an extra semester if you wanted to, but why anyways, so when I was thinking about taking a gap year I was like okay, so it's gonna be three and five like you're gonna be two years left in school when he's done like, how do you feel about that whatever and then I thought about it and I was like, Well, the thing is like if it's a three year relationship like not to get weird but like, you know, that's either headed to like a lifetime together or like an early breakup out of college whatever. So if it happened that it was an early breakup, like I would regret not taking my gap year if it happened that it was a lifetime there's a whole lifetime ahead like I can spend an extra year finishing college and then have another however many to like, hang out with him. So yeah,

F: You have great perspective on everything. I think you're very like well thought out like not in the moment thinking very long term, which I very much appreciate. And I think that comes across in the way you answer these questions. Okay, which I think is another reason why you're able to make your relationship work so well.

A: Probably Yeah, I think that's the other thing is like, if you are a more long term oriented person, and both of us really are like it's actually it's, I'm not saying it's the right thing because I think it's sometimes much better to be short term oriented, but if you are long term oriented, it's easier to see that like this is just a temporary like distance, whatever. Okay, we also make the most of our summers every summer we've been together since starting college and this past summer, what did y'all do? So this past summer, I went and you know, Washington graduate, whatever. And then we spent some time with his family who came in to also watch him graduate and we were in Carmel, in California, and then we went to Joshua Tree together with some Princeton people. And then we went to my house for like five weeks and hung out with my family and like spent time in the DC area. And like, just did fun things, fun things that like we used to do in high school, or like the Somewhere after high school, and then we went to visit his parents who are living in Vienna, and then use Vienna kind of as like a home base to travel around. And the whole reason we did this was because I had just had an internship for a year, I was definitely not going to do another summer internship. And then he's about to start actually he started work August 31. So he was like, let me take some months off to like, actually enjoy myself because both of us haven't had a summer without internships since like high school except for the one between high school and college.

F: Okay, from your wholesome relationship, and you haven't been in a relationship at Princeton, and so you have this different lens, when you view the rest of our campus community. When you look at the Princeton campus, do you think that this is a place conducive to relationships? Or do you think it's very much so like, short term? Whatever, whatever?

A: No, I think, well, isn't there that like, weird statistic about how many Princeton grads end up married to each other? Like, like a lot of people?

F: It's a high percentage, but I feel like a lot of that happens after Princeton. Yeah. I don't know how I don't know how much happens when how much of that happens for the meeting when they're here?

A: Yeah. Okay. Well, I don't know. I think honestly, Princeton is super conducive to like relationships. I don't know about how long they might last. But it's such a small campus that like, if you want to go see your significant other, you just have to walk a few minutes to go to their dorm or whatever. I don't know I think like, enough people have like singles or like singles in a quad or whatever, triple that, like that's not a concern for people. There's like cute things to do on NASA if you want to go on a date. I don't know. The other problem is though, like, so one of my friends is thinking of asking out somebody that is in a class with him. Oh, yeah, very cute, very exciting. But like you asked them to go to dinner, it goes poorly. And then you have to see them for the rest of the day. That

F: is the thing, which is a very interesting couple. It's a little bit yeah. about you. Yeah, yeah, we'll talk a little bit more about me being the single guy here. Um, you have never had Have you ever had to use dating apps. The Bumbles and the Tinder images of the world without contrast on campus versus in the city, which is where I was this past semester. And the city went on a few dates, six or seven over the course of the summer, someone? Well, some didn't. But the great thing is, either way, they go on now, I'm probably never gonna see these girls again. But on campus, you measure something on Tinder or whatever dating app, it might go on a date. If it doesn't go, Well, you will see them in Frist the next day.

A: And every day after that too suddenly and every day.

F: No, that is literally how it works one time and all of a sudden, you can start running into each other. And so I think that probably for me is a hesitation to even try to put myself out there like that. Because if it doesn't go well, I don't want to be running to every single place. And so in my mind, I'd use the small size of the community makes it easier. I actually think that is a bigger

A: that's fair hindrance. Yeah, although I don't know, I think like getting practice like that where you have to run into somebody and it's kind of an awkward situation that will equip you for life.

F: No, I don't need that. I don't need that type of practice.

A: I don't know. Have you ever gone on a date in Princeton and not to make you expose somebody?

F: oh, no, no I would never expose that way. What was the question?

A: Like have you ever gone on a date? It went poorly, and then you had to navigate that?

F: Um, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it's like, kind of like I said, I would rather just not see you again. bump into you all over the place.

A: Yeah. Fair. But I mean, what's like, the statute of limitations on that, like when can you start like hanging out with that person? Or like seeing them and not feeling weird about it

F: I feel like it's very person to person dependent. I, I try not to be awkward about things. People are awkward. Yeah, it's there. I need a bigger campus. I need New York City is is really what I'm

A: I meant to say the nice thing about being like a girl on this campus is every like friendship I form with any guy. There is that like, pretext that I have a boyfriend already. So it just makes it really comfortable from the start. Like there's never that like question mark, you know, and I feel like that happens a lot as well on this campus. And like, it puts people in an uncomfortable position before they've even made any uncomfortable moves. Right? You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. So I agree that a small campus is a fair point. Okay.

F: We're talking about this yesterday at lunch. If you are taking a girl on a date, how many dates before Oh, actually rewind even more, is the expectation. And this from your perspective, is the expectation when a guy takes a girl out on a date that the guy is supposed to pay?

A: I don't know. I like it's hard to say. I think it really depends on the date for First of all, so like, if you guys, if he asked you to go out to like a movie or whatever you should pay for your own ticket, if he asked you to go to like, I don't know, some like, taqueria pay for you and stuff. But if he asked you out to Agricola, like, That, to me is like, he wants you to have a good dinner together. And like, I think that's when the guy should pay. But to clarify, I'm not saying you guys should get a giggle every time. Every single time I'm saying like, on a balance by the end of like, the time you've spent dating, you should have spent probably equal amounts of money on each other.

F: this is so interesting, because I was always under the assumption that girls expected the guy to pay for the first date, no matter what, like who asked who, who. So when I said this yesterday at dinner, everyone's like, that is such a generalization. Like no, like, the girls were like, Oh, no, like we will fully pay. So I'm like, Guys, I just could have saved myself a lot of money this summer. But I just assumed that as the guy, it was always up to me to be putting my car down, like, Oh, no, yeah,

A: I think that's always appreciated. So I don't think you know, I don't think that's necessarily the wrong thing to do. But if there was never like a follow up date, or whatever, I would have asked like the girl in that situation, I might have felt bad because, you know, like, I didn't get the opportunity to reciprocate and spend my money on you,

F: which is why some people and is honestly every single person who asked this will give you a different answer, which is why it's so interesting. But people were like, oh, first date, you pay after that you split, or after that you start alternating. So there's just a whole variety of different things. And also follow up question, not cutting off our next question. What would you consider date to be?

A: Anything like, you just sit on a couch? Like I don't know.

F: And that's another one that everyone has different answers to. Because some people are like, if you go get ice cream, that's not a date. It needs to be like dinner a whole night, a whole

A: agree, disagree. Ice cream is such a date. The point is like, Did you guys spend one on one time with each other, get to know each other, talk to each other? Whatever, like dinner, is a good vehicle for that. Because while your food is coming, you're waiting and talking and like, that's all you have to do. Like, hopefully you don't pull out your phone during dinner or whatever. But like Same for ice cream, you're just walking and talking, like, going into bent spoon, getting the dark chocolate sorbet.

F: And I agree with you, but it's always like this is another one of those things where everyone has to add a perspective because this girl was like, I've never been on a date but for us like those don't we've never been on a date you never like one on one hung out with the guy. Ice cream. Take note, take a picnic walk and she's like, Oh, I have done that. So yeah, you've been on days before? Yeah.

A: Well also like, for me a movie barely qualifies as a date. Because

F: no, no middle school me is very offended

A: But like, you sit there for two hours next to each other and say not a word to each other like now when I go watch movies with my boyfriend, we have this like shared language of like all the past movies we've watched together and like the way we like to make fun of certain, like, acting things, or whatever it is. And so that's the date now. But like when you guys have just started dating if like the movie is your first or second or third or fourth date, whatever. You're just gonna sit there in silence, like share some popcorn. Weirdly, probably kissing the movie theater is like a different thing altogether.

F: I don't know. It's so funny that you bring that up, because first of all, you're writing a movie really is not a great date for a first date. But it's funny because that was like my first girlfriend in high school. That was our first date. Yeah, and honestly Zootopia shout out to Sita, she knows who she is. She's probably not listening. But she might be I don't know whatever. But yeah, you go there and you think because that's I don't know when your middle school was really there really isn't that much else to say? Yeah, first things like oh yeah, let's go see a movie. And so you go and then I literally remember this I was like I can't really be talking like we got to watch them. I want to talk about like the movies right there I want to and then you like do the put your arm around it but it's just such an awkward This is really not a great yeah, date at all.

A: I think a big part of like the movie theatre for middle school in high school relationships is that it's like actual independence like it's dark in there you have anonymity like your parents are watching the movie with you stuff like that. Yeah, hopefully. If you like go outside like people can see you having your relationship and I think like there's something really embarrassing and vulnerable when you're in middle school or high school about going on a first date or whatever a true

F: and being in public. have access to you and see what you're

A: doing. Yeah, also like, I don't know, if you have strict parents like that makes it that much more difficult to trust that like, you can have a good time whatever. Yeah, movie theaters are just nice because it's dark, even though the vibes are weird. Yeah,

F: So maybe not an ideal first date after you've spoken to a few. I mean, although that relationship worked out, you know, she said yes. When I asked her out, yeah. Shout out. Zootopia um, but I think we've done 45 minutes. We can get to the Tiger Confessions section, every episode, read questions off Tiger confessions, and we just speak about them. Guests always go first to see what the reactions are? First question, it says, I'm a sophomore who didn't really do much student activities or stuff last semester, how to make friends?

A: Okay. Well, to be fair, it's not just you that didn't do those, like nobody did. And if they did, it was probably a resume for the most part, I would say now is like the perfect time because everybody wants to make friends. And it's not just the sophomores, but like the freshmen are looking to make friends. And they don't have that. Prior to that like, last semester, I tried and couldn't, whatever. And then like upperclassmen are like, so excited to start hanging out with the entirely new second half of the school, like, I don't know, people are going to be allowed into the club soon. And like upperclassmen can't wait to show future members, their clubs and stuff. So I don't know that. I mean, I haven't even answered the question. All I'm saying is that, like, everyone's excited, we're in a social Renaissance right now as a campus, so it's the perfect time to be asking this question.

F: But so how would you go? How does this person my phone, I go about it?

A: Well, just join something for me that was walking on to rowing, like, like, everybody is very welcoming on all sorts of different like clubs, teams, anything. And also hang out a lot in forest at late meal. Late meal, like that is the place to be in the classroom. Yes. Yeah. majorly. Like, if you have one friend in late meal, you will have like a chain of friends by the end of it, because they'll be like, oh can meet my friend and then it just keeps going. And yeah, you'll sacrifice a little bit of like homework time, but it's worth it.

F: It is most definitely worth it. Um, how to make friends. I think you touched on probably the best and easiest way. join clubs, clubs tryouts, I had transfer club soccer day one in freshman year. And some of my best friends Max Jaiilany, Toussaint met them that day. So join a club, you will just get instant access and not just people who are here, but also juniors, seniors, access to people spread out all over campus. I don't want I'm basically echoing basically echoing everything you said.

A: That's a good point is like joining clubs and teams, you meet the upperclassmen as well, which can be huge for like, on this campus specialized, like if you want to go out one night, and they're in a club that your friends are going to stuff like that, like upperclassmen. Don't, don't be scared to reach out to them as well.

F: Yeah, yeah. And even your classes. I feel like I've met, we became friends through class. So there you go, your C group, talk to us eager to have my two of my best friends to this day met in C group. There's so many different opportunities to meet people go to sports games,

A: go to sports games, go to sports games, that's a really good place to meet people. Because, okay, let's be honest, like, if you're watching a soccer game, there's a lot of time in there where you can just turn and talk. Yeah. I love soccer. I love that part of the game. But yeah, like, if you're sitting next to somebody, just talk to them. Nobody's like weird, you know,

F: That's the thing. Everyone is a lot more approachable than I think people realize. Yeah. And so definitely just even at meals, walk up to someone, so it's up. Are they sitting by actually now thinking about it? When I used to sit by myself, I probably wanted to sit by myself. Maybe don't walk up to people watching TV, on their laptop by themselves. But

A: Well, I'll say like, I feel like sometimes social anxiety will hold you back from going and sitting with somebody who's like, literally just an acquaintance like you see them in class or whatever. But don't let that hold you back. Like that can be the start of a very beautiful friendship. Yes. Just be confident in yourself and know that everyone else on this campus right now is looking to make friends.

F: Exactly. And then the second one, which is very applicable to this conversation, it says, never been in a relationship before. But I started one late August and we're doing a bit of a long distance thing. We've been messaging every day, but it's just the usual What are you doing kind of thing at the beginning of the conversations. At the beginning, the conversations used to be a bit more lively, but we've had mundane days, and we've already gotten to know a lot about each other. We're also not too far. He also sleeps super early. So by the time I'm finally in my room, he's about to sleep, and we just say good night. How do we keep things lively, long distance? He sleeps too early exclamation mark.

A: Okay. Let me see that question because there's, there's a lot. Yeah. Okay, so first of all, the conversations used to be a bit more lively back when you guys weren't in school. Doing the same thing every day and having a hard time. So I wouldn't read too much into that. Everybody has very mundane days like it, it just happens. I've had a very mundane week, whatever. I think the key part is that you're still willing to talk about how your day went. It doesn't need to be like thrilling or anything, but just like having somebody to tell a summary of your day to is really nice. And the fact that they still want to listen is a good sign. So don't freak out about that. If you're not too far, that's awesome. You guys should try and hang out on weekends and stuff. I feel like weekends at Princeton or like, like a good time to just get off campus if you can. And with the sleeping super early thing, my boyfriend and I were on different time zones. While he was in cut, well, we still are, we're just going to be on different time zones until I graduate. And he's three hours behind. So I wake up and I have like a full day before he's even opened his eyes. And yeah, like that can definitely make things very hard, because I'm the person who is going to bed when, you know, like, it's time for him to start winding his day down. And I'd say like, just accepting that that's a part of the relationship is fine. Like you don't want him to change his sleep habits, whatever. But instead, build in time in the middle of the day, if you can, and like just text, you know, I don't know, like, and, okay, another part of it is like, don't be afraid to communicate important things over text as well. Like, if you're worried that your days are mundane, and that's all you text about, like, if you're feeling stressed about a friend or whatever, like sudden that, like, if you feel like a friendship is falling apart or like anything is happening in your life that isn't just like the daily happening, send that to them. I don't know, for me, like, My boyfriend is the first person I think of whenever something happens to me. And I like send it to him in a text and like he'll reply eventually. But yeah, it's just it's nice. You don't have to be synchronous when you text. That's the big part of it. So I can send one Two hours later, he responds Two hours later, I respond. Yeah, I don't even know how to answer that question. Like it's done.

F: first of all, you answered that so well, I really don't need I know, I'm not even gonna add anything. Because first of all, I am not qualified. I'm not in a long distance relationship. And you actually answered that so well, that I think that is a great place to leave it. Okay. So yeah, that has been another episode of code flow. 5354 minutes, Artemis. Thank you for coming on the show.

A: Thank you for having me.

F: Do you have any final words for the people?

A: Oh, my gosh, I didn't know that I would have a moment to say

F: Oh, of course. whatever you want to take it wherever you want.

A: Guys, we are the number one school in the country. And we're so lucky to be here and learn here and like meet other people that also go to the number one school in the country. I'd say, really enjoy the semester because we're so blessed to be able to do it in person. spend a lot of time getting to know other people, because that's going to be much more important and valuable when you graduate and like the piece that you're working on right now. Yeah, be willing to get a couple bad grades if it means you get to go out with your friends, and have a really good semester. And year.

F: Again, so well said I'm not even going to add anything on top of that. Artemis Thank you for coming on the show. This has been another episode of Go with the Flo. Thank you.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai